I am the leader of the server revolution! Taking the power away from the customers and putting it back in the hands of the bartenders and servers. Yelp off!!!

Yelp and You Shall Receive

Another one bites on Yelp!” is how the updated version of Queen’s song should be nowadays.  If anybody wants anything for free in a restaurant, all you have to simply do is complain and (PRESTO!) you will get free stuff.  Or maybe even a free meal entirely.

Case-in-point, Jessica L. on Yelp.  Jessica is an avid Yelp writer who averages about 1 Yelp per week.  Actually, I am a bit envious of her writing discipline, because she is writing more than I am at this point, but nonetheless, Jessica is a Yelper.

She has Yelped about everything from Macy’s, to IKEA, to my current place of employment.  And if there is one thing that Jessica L. won’t stand for, is waiting for anything.  She doesn’t like to wait for her food, drinks, or to be seated.  She probably was born early, demanding to exit her mother’s womb, just so she could Yelp about it.

This womb is beyond horrible.  The food was bland and uninspired, and the decor was red and unfocused.  And the place was completely EMPTY!  I would not recommend this womb to any fetus.  Oh, and did I mention the service?… Because it sucked.

Jessica L. stuck a nerve because one day she decided to put me in her crosshairs.  In short, her feelings were hurt because she felt that she and her friend didn’t receive enough attention, and now she has to be courageous and hide behind her laptop, and Yelp about me and the way I do my job.  But like I stated in the beginning, all you have to do is complain and you shall receive whatever it is you want in life, or from a restaurant.  In Jessica’s case, she was invited back to have a free meal, only if she would write a 5 star review and take the old one down.  Jessica was bought.

Somebody who works in the “upper management” of my work, saw the review, and decided not to ask me what had happened, but rather to buy a customer’s praise rather than to earn it.  I get it.  You don’t want customers to leave unhappy, but that needs to happen at the time of the service, not after the Yelping.

Here’s what Jessica had to say the first time:

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To address a few of the items Jessica complained about:  Yes, I am a comedian.  Yes, a guy at the table next to Jessica’s happened to recognize me from a show I did at The Comedy Store.  This rarely happens, so I took a moment to talk shop with him and to be appreciative.  And, yes, we talked about mutual acquaintances that we both know.

If Jessica had wanted her apps cleared, then don’t tell me that you are still working on them, and then ignore me the other times I check on your table.  Unless I am told to send all of the food out when it’s ready, I will wait to send your main course until your apps have been cleared.  But Jessica was too busy taking notes about me knowing the table next to her to realize that she is supposed to be eating her appetizers, rather than letting them sit there on the table, dying a slow death.

And what are you doing listening to my conversation anyways Jessica?!?  I would’ve talk to you and your friend as well, but you two were too busy looking at your phones.

So she Yelps, and then gets invited back.  Because servers love to wait on people who didn’t like the place the first time.  Good news is that I wasn’t there that night to wait on her.  But how awkward would that have been?  I probably would’ve spent the whole night crop-dusting her table.

This is how quickly she changed her mind after getting a freebie:

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What a sellout!  But notice how she took jabs at me again by mentioning how bad the service was the first time.  News flash Jessica, the server and manager both knew that you were coming and had explicit instructions to make sure that your panties would not get twisted this time… if you even wear panties.

Jessica L., I hope that you enjoyed your free meal, and that your campaigning for Trump goes well.  You are his kind of people.  It’s good to have passions in life.  And it’s obvious that Yelp, and Hello Kitty are yours.

Until next time… Server’s don’t pay their rent with compliments.
“Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready.”







2 Responses to Yelp and You Shall Receive

  1. Some people in this world are looking for the freebies and think they are entitled and hide when they make rude comments. This person needs to wake up and pay attention and not be on the phone all the time. Shame on her.

  2. I’ve been reading through her Yelp reviews and as it turns out she gives more good reviews than bad…she’s thorough, thoughtful, and fair. I hate to defend someone who attacks waitstaff for food being bad (it’s not the waitstaff’s fault
    on that score.) Nor is it your fault that a table took up your time. She needed to realize that you were basically being held hostage. When a table is super chatty a server has no choice but to suck it up and join in the chattiness…it’s not like you can say, “Hey, hate to cut you off mid sentence, but I have to go and do other stuff that is clearly more important than spending time with you rat bastards!” But I do have to point out that she tipped 15% even though she said she had a bad time. And she still paid for her meal. Yes she got a second meal on the house but if you had read some of her other reviews you would have seen that it was written in the same vein as all the rest of her good reviews. She even made sure to point out that she felt like she wasn’t getting special treatment as she noticed both the server and the manager’s excellent service to the rest of the restaurant. In most of your posts you are dead bang on about the callousness, rudeness, and the general assholishness of the common customer but on this one I think you may have overreacted because you felt like she was attacking you personally, (and she was and it was completely unfair and unjustified.)

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