I am the leader of the server revolution! Taking the power away from the customers and putting it back in the hands of the bartenders and servers. Yelp off!!!

Check Yo Self!

When Ice Cube rapped about “Check Yo’self before you wreckidity-wreck Yo’self,” I don’t think he meant writing an ACTUAL check to pay for something in a place that normally doesn’t accept checks.  But in 2014, we have come across a customer who wants to pay for his individual dinner, with a check.

This didn’t even happen to me.  It happened to my buddy Max during his shift.  It had been an extremely weird week at work.  The night prior, I had my encounter with Steak Tits, and now Max was dealing with a character that even Stephen King couldn’t make up.

An older gentleman, (and I use that term loosely,) wearing a gold velour jumpsuit, sat in Max’s section one fateful night and decided to have his fill of alcohol and food.  And let me repeat… wearing a gold velour jumpsuit.

Our hostess Dana sat him, and the man paid no attention to her.  Then Max took over and suddenly the guy became increasingly infatuated with Dana, even though he completely ignored her.

“What’s the name of the girl who sat me?’ he asked.

“Dana,” Max said.  He wasn’t giving away any information that wasn’t already available if you just looked at her nametag.

“Can you send her over here?  I want to talk to her.”

“She’s busy,” Max replied.

“Well what’s Dana’s last name?”

“Oh, it’s hostess.  Dana hostess.”

At that point,  Max told Dana to go to the kitchen because this man, wearing the gold velour jumpsuit, was weirding him out, and thought it would be best for Dana to flee.

The man eats his meal and Max brings him his check.  The man proceeds to pull out his checkbook and begins filling out his information.

“Sir, we don’t take checks.  We’ll accept cash or credit card, but no checks,” Max told him.

For me, I didn’t even think they printed checks anymore.  Save a tree people!

“DON’T TELL ME HOW TO DO MY BUSINESS!  I DO MY BUSINESS MY OWN WAY!” he stated.  “And tell Dana I want to talk to her.”

“She’s on her break.  She won’t be back for awhile.  And we still can’t take checks.”

Max went and got our supervisor who told the man the same thing Max did, and the man, wearing the gold velour jumpsuit made the same statement.  The man wrote his check, put it in the check presenter and gave it to Max.

Max opened the check presenter and looked at the check.  No joke, he wrote the check for 1 Trillion Dollars… AND… on the check he wrote,

“50 Million Dollar tip to Dana.”

They ended up calling the cops and they took him away crying like a baby.  But this is what I am talking about!  We are not just servers or bartenders.  We deal with the wack and the wacky.  Be nice to your server, we deserve it.

And BTW, even though Dana is now a millionairess, she still kept her job hostessing.

It doesn’t get any BITTER than this!

Ice Cube – Check Yo Self (1992) from Golden Era Videos on Vimeo.
Until next time… Server’s don’t pay their rent with compliments.  “

Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready.”

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