I am the leader of the server revolution! Taking the power away from the customers and putting it back in the hands of the bartenders and servers. Yelp off!!!

An Inconvenient Straw

truth“An Inconvenient Straw” will be the follow up film to Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth” starring this lady who came into my restaurant the other night. I’m all about saving the environment, but this woman took it to another level, AND she had major dietary restrictions.

When I brought drinks to a table, drinks that normally require straws, I was reprimanded by this woman who claimed that “straws are ruining the environment” and I should consider not serving them with drinks.

“I bring my own straws,” claimed the woman. Who, by-the-way, looked as if she hadn’t brushed her hair since she came out of the womb. I’m all for doing what I can for the environment, but I’m pretty sure hair brushing isn’t going to affect the Earth’s core temperature.

Then she began to dig through her purse and pull out different versions of straws. She had bamboo straws; other wooden straws; a recycled plastic straw–EW!; and a metal straw. She chose to use her metal straw which she took out from it’s PLASTIC case, and placed it in her Iced-T. Math was never my strongest subject, but I do know that when you add a negative with a positive, you get a hypocrite.

She had at least 8 different kinds of straws before she pulled out the metal one, and I’m thinking, the metal straw trumps all of the other ones. AND, why the hell does a METAL straw need a case? And a plastic case for that matter.

What made this tree hugging woman even more enjoyable was her dietary restrictions.

“I’m very sensitive to all spices. And I’m allergic to garlic and onions. And if I get the Salmon, I don’t want it seared but cooked through. But tell them not to make it dry. Just not underdone.

This is what it’s like to wait on Dr. Seuss.

“I will not have it underdone. I will not have it with a bun. I will not have it dry and mild. But I’ll only eat it if it’s wild.”

AND this woman is a mother and a wife, and both her husband and son were dining with her that night.  Thankfully, the husband and son were not as “difficult” as the woman, but that didn’t stop her from reprimanding them, in front of me.

“I can’t believe that you finally saw Al Gore’s movie, and you’re STILL using a straw!” she blurted out to her husband.

“Well, I just saw it, so I’m still digesting the information,” he defended.

And the son just sat there, alone.  Probably thinking of ways to turn his straw into a weapon.

Until next time… Server’s don’t pay their rent with compliments.
“Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready.”



Top 10 List Things Customers Say Every Server Hates

This top 10 list barely tips the iceberg, but we servers all know that customers love to say the most random things.  Unfortunately, servers and bartenders have heard it all. And just because I’m laughing at your comments, it doesn’t mean you’re funny. I’m just practicing my “acting” laugh. So here’s a Top 10 List… Continue Reading

Yelp Elite Kicked to the Yale Curb

Yelp has finally turned on itself and done some good.  An elite Yelp user has finally gotten a dose of karma, Yelp karma. And now, she’s living amongst the unemployed with nothing to do with her time but read about herself on the internet. June Chu, a (former) dean of Pierson College at Yale University,… Continue Reading

The Union is Coming! 

“The union is coming!  The union is coming!” shouted a short woman, wearing a funny hat, riding a horse through the halls of my work.  Okay, not on a horse, but it’s happening at my work.  17 years of working in the service industry, I’ve never worked for a union, and now, because of some… Continue Reading

Customers Steal Because They Can

Customers Steal Because They Can

“The customer is always right,” is an outdated phrase that continues to plague restaurants today because some people still feel like they’re special.  Now this entitlement gives these same people the right to steal from restaurants.  I have seen people steal salt n pepper shakers, sugar caddies, bar shakers, espresso spoons, and even have had… Continue Reading

Phone Charging Not Part of My Job

The next time you’re out at a restaurant, bring 800 dollars with you.  And when you are sat, IMMEDIATELY hand the money over to your server, and then continue on with your meal like as if you had forgotten about the money.  This is exactly what happens every time a customer asks their server to… Continue Reading

Customers are the Celebrities of the Restaurant World

Customers are SO important these days!  They only have a set amount of time to be seated, have drinks, order and eat their meals, and then, INSTANTLY, the must be on their important way.  And it doesn’t just happen to me, this tweet was from another “bittered” service industry worker, Bitter Waiter. MAY I HAVE… Continue Reading

7 Annoying Server Habits

I’ve  turned the tables writing this post.  The 7 things that servers do that annoy customers, and your fellow servers.  It’s definitely more than 7, but if I wrote more than that, I would change the premise of this blog.  First of all, I have been guilty of many, if not all, of these habits.… Continue Reading

Dear Birthday Girl Who Made a Reservation for 10ppl

Who are these people?  To be clear, a reservation means that you are “reserving” a table in a restaurant, and are expected to honor that reservation by showing up.  It would be easier to figure out Trump’s healthcare plan, than to understand why people make reservations for large parties, and then don’t show up. Last… Continue Reading

Yelp and You Shall Receive

“Another one bites on Yelp!” is how the updated version of Queen’s song should be nowadays.  If anybody wants anything for free in a restaurant, all you have to simply do is complain and (PRESTO!) you will get free stuff.  Or maybe even a free meal entirely. Case-in-point, Jessica L. on Yelp.  Jessica is an… Continue Reading