I am the leader of the server revolution! Taking the power away from the customers and putting it back in the hands of the bartenders and servers. Yelp off!!!

An Inconvenient Straw

truth“An Inconvenient Straw” will be the follow up film to Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth” starring this lady who came into my restaurant the other night. I’m all about saving the environment, but this woman took it to another level, AND she had major dietary restrictions.

When I brought drinks to a table, drinks that normally require straws, I was reprimanded by this woman who claimed that “straws are ruining the environment” and I should consider not serving them with drinks.

“I bring my own straws,” claimed the woman. Who, by-the-way, looked as if she hadn’t brushed her hair since she came out of the womb. I’m all for doing what I can for the environment, but I’m pretty sure hair brushing isn’t going to affect the Earth’s core temperature.

Then she began to dig through her purse and pull out different versions of straws. She had bamboo straws; other wooden straws; a recycled plastic straw–EW!; and a metal straw. She chose to use her metal straw which she took out from it’s PLASTIC case, and placed it in her Iced-T. Math was never my strongest subject, but I do know that when you add a negative with a positive, you get a hypocrite.

She had at least 8 different kinds of straws before she pulled out the metal one, and I’m thinking, the metal straw trumps all of the other ones. AND, why the hell does a METAL straw need a case? And a plastic case for that matter.

What made this tree hugging woman even more enjoyable was her dietary restrictions.

“I’m very sensitive to all spices. And I’m allergic to garlic and onions. And if I get the Salmon, I don’t want it seared but cooked through. But tell them not to make it dry. Just not underdone.

This is what it’s like to wait on Dr. Seuss.

“I will not have it underdone. I will not have it with a bun. I will not have it dry and mild. But I’ll only eat it if it’s wild.”

AND this woman is a mother and a wife, and both her husband and son were dining with her that night.  Thankfully, the husband and son were not as “difficult” as the woman, but that didn’t stop her from reprimanding them, in front of me.

“I can’t believe that you finally saw Al Gore’s movie, and you’re STILL using a straw!” she blurted out to her husband.

“Well, I just saw it, so I’m still digesting the information,” he defended.

And the son just sat there, alone.  Probably thinking of ways to turn his straw into a weapon.

Until next time… Server’s don’t pay their rent with compliments.
“Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready.”

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