I am the leader of the server revolution! Taking the power away from the customers and putting it back in the hands of the bartenders and servers. Yelp off!!!

My Phone is Hot but My Food is Cold

cell phoneCustomers should make reservations for the number of people in their party, and also the number of phones they will have at the table.  Because the phones have taken over the dining experience, and they have got to go!

First of all, there isn’t a lot of real estate at the tables to begin with, so putting your VERY large phone anywhere on the table means that I am going to have to navigate your martini, or cocktail, or some other type of liquid around your electronic device in order to ensure that no precious alcohol falls onto it.  And let’s have a moment of silence for any alcohol that has lost it’s life spilling out onto a phone or table, without being consumed.

And it’s fine to send a quick text, or make a phone call when you first get to the table, but after I approached the table for the fourth time to get you started with some drinks or apps, don’t ask where I have been.  My answer,

“At my other tables, who were interested in ordering food and drinks.”


“I finished up a Habitat for Humanity build while you were on your phones.  Yes, I built an entire house while you were on Facebook.  Now, would you like to hear about the specials?”

I’ve lost count at how many couples I’ve had in my section who spent the majority of the time on their phones.  Not even putting the phone down to shovel food into their holes.  I can’t even communicate with these people.  I can only walk by the table with a thumbs up, and wait for them to nod that everything is okay.

It would just be easier for me to take my phone out and text my customers for their orders.  Unfortunately, I’m not allowed to have my phone on the floor during my shift.  I’ve been told that it takes away from the dining experience if servers are on their phones.  Which leads me to say, “Everybody else is on their phones.  If I’m the only one not on a phone, then I look like the weirdo.”

Something else that seems to happen a lot is when customers are on the phone, when their food arrives, they let it sit in front of them to die a lonely, uneaten death.  The best part:  They WAVE me over and complain that their food is COLD.


Customer “My food is cold.”

Me “Yes.”

Customer “Can you send it back to the kitchen and have them reheat it?”

Me “We don’t have microwaves.”

Customer “Then have them remake it for me.  I’m not eating cold food.”

Me “Perhaps you could “reheat it” with your phone.”

Until next time… Server’s don’t pay their rent with compliments.
“Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready.”







Leave a comment below and share the bitterness!





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