I am the leader of the server revolution! Taking the power away from the customers and putting it back in the hands of the bartenders and servers. Yelp off!!!

Customers are the Celebrities of the Restaurant World

important-tag-900x520Customers are SO important these days!  They only have a set amount of time to be seated, have drinks, order and eat their meals, and then, INSTANTLY, the must be on their important way.  And it doesn’t just happen to me, this tweet was from another “bittered” service industry worker, Bitter Waiter.

Just the other night, I had a table of 11 with a 7:00 reservation.  I set up their big table outside, which meant moving four smaller tables together because no restaurant has a table big enough to seat a party that size.  I Polished all of the glassware and silverware, put bread on the table at 7:15 because that’s what they instructed in the reservation notes.  And almost by magic… they didn’t show up until 7:30 without even calling to let us know that they would be late or would even be showing up at this point.  But customers are the celebrities of the restaurant world.  They’re important and don’t need to extend such courtesies to us peons.

The party arrived in all of the glamour that their Capri pants and cankles could muster.  They sat and immediately grazed on the pre-set bread and demanded that their drink orders be taken because they, “were thirsty, and had been walking all day.”  I couldn’t imagine what that must be like.  To be able to walk “all day,” and still look as well fed as they did.  I truly was in the presence of Gods and Goddesses.  I IMMEDIATELY took their drink order and brought them their libations.

Their salad course arrived quickly because they had pre-ordered them through the reservation notes that they wrote on Open Table to ensure that they would be in-charge of their dining experience rather than me.  The majority of them chose to not eat their greenery as they were much bigger fans of the bread food group, rather than the vegetable.  Again, a quality that I admire because I always like it when people can make a decision, and stand by it.

But now things got a bit rocky.  I was approached by one of the customers, and he said, “We are in a hurry.  We need to get to the mall before they close at 9:30pm.  And it’s 9:05pm right now.  We are going to need our entrees and desserts immediately so we can go!.”  I apologized for not knowing that they had SOMEWHERE else to go, and went to the kitchen to find out why the cooks were taking so long with their food that hadn’t been ordered yet.

Fortunately the entrees were the same as everything else.  It was done according to the script they wrote in the reservation notes.  It was 3 entrees picked off of our menu, served family style on the middle of the table, in the vein of a trough.  When I asked how everybody was doing, I was met with joyous grunts and waved off like the peasant that I was.  Halfway through their meal, another person approached me about their date with the mall.  I apologized to her for the mall closing at such a horrific time, and was instructed to get the desserts out as quickly as possible.

I quietly cleared their plates, and replaced them magically with a small dessert plate with some sweets on them.  The sweets disappeared and soon, so did the important customers.

I wondered if I would ever see such IMPORTANT-NESS again.

Until next time… Server’s don’t pay their rent with compliments.
“Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready.”







7 Annoying Server Habits

I’ve  turned the tables writing this post.  The 7 things that servers do that annoy customers, and your fellow servers.  It’s definitely more than 7, but if I wrote more than that, I would change the premise of this blog.  First of all, I have been guilty of many, if not all, of these habits.… Continue Reading

Dear Birthday Girl Who Made a Reservation for 10ppl

Who are these people?  To be clear, a reservation means that you are “reserving” a table in a restaurant, and are expected to honor that reservation by showing up.  It would be easier to figure out Trump’s healthcare plan, than to understand why people make reservations for large parties, and then don’t show up. Last… Continue Reading

Yelp and You Shall Receive

“Another one bites on Yelp!” is how the updated version of Queen’s song should be nowadays.  If anybody wants anything for free in a restaurant, all you have to simply do is complain and (PRESTO!) you will get free stuff.  Or maybe even a free meal entirely. Case-in-point, Jessica L. on Yelp.  Jessica is an… Continue Reading

What Should I Have?

When did going to a restaurant become so complicated?  You make a reservation, you show up, you get sat at a table, and then have a good time.  Unfortunately that is no longer the case.  Customers have become as complicated and as crazy as the two nominees for President.  Sometimes I wonder if some people… Continue Reading

Server Tweets

Here’s proof that I’m not the only one who feels the same way about customers, co-workers, and the service industry.  I give you, SERVER TWEETS !!! Here’s a great example of get a fork-ful of food and then being expected to sell 5 specials. When the chef sends out a dish to taste but it… Continue Reading

Olympic Server Events

The Olympics are over, but that doesn’t mean that the spirit of competition has to end.  USA athletes dominated the pool, gymnastics, and the basketball court.  But one thing that was missing from all of the games was the Server Events.  That’s right, Olympic competition will finally come to the service industry. I have often… Continue Reading

My Phone is Hot but My Food is Cold

Customers should make reservations for the number of people in their party, and also the number of phones they will have at the table.  Because the phones have taken over the dining experience, and they have got to go! First of all, there isn’t a lot of real estate at the tables to begin with,… Continue Reading

The Elements of Life

Summertime means that customers are going to sit on the patio.  And they should.  It’s Los Angeles, the sun is shining, and servers love running back and forth between the restaurant and the patio just to get additional things that customers forgot to ask for each time we are at their table. But keep in… Continue Reading

I Own The Place

“You look especially bitter today.” “You seem angry today.” And even, “Why are you so smiley today.” These have all been said to me with some frequency over the past couple of months at my work.  And the one thing that it tells me, I have been working as a waiter for too damn long.… Continue Reading